HAPPY STEP IS..

I don't mean to make a boring entry this time by listing some happy steps here. They are sent to me from a close unique friend of mine since I had some tough time in life few weeks ago. My friend sent them 1 by 1, 1 a day, until my SMS Inbox is almost full now. Although it makes no help when I received them, (in very very bad mood ma,, how to think wisely??) I'm glad that I have this unique friend, and so I want to save them here, for viewing in the future. I hope you will get inspired too :)

HAPPY STEP:

• Remind yourself that you can to do what you need to do & reward yourself as often as possible for doing what you have done.
• Live in present moment. The only moment we can truly be happy & have control is the present moment. So be happy now because if not now, then when?
• Control what you can control. Accept what you can't control. And learn to be wise enough to know the difference.
• Manage your time & priorities. Happy ppl believe they more in control of their lives. They are more likely to take active approach to solve problems.
• If something is not quite right in your life, do something. And further, make sure that what you are doing is important. Put first things first.
• Play and have fun. Don't take life too seriously. We all have responsibilities yet we can approach much of our lives in playful manner.
• Weed out unhelpful thoughts. Learn first to identify your thoughts & then begin to challenge those that are negative and unhelpful.
• Socialise & interact as much as possible. Happy ppl have more & better quality relationships. It's worthwhile improving the no of relationships
• Find a buddy with whom to exercise, challenge negative thoughts, or whatever. Most activities are more enjoyable with a supportive friend.
• Learn to like & idealy love yourself. We must love b4 we can be loved. To love others & to be loved by others is a key component of happiness.
• Identify your strengths. Know your faults and weaknesses to avoid problems. Know the strengths to be really happy and to succeed in life.

and some "philosophy and wise word of life"

• Remind yourself to be your own best friend & challenge your own negative thinking & self-criticism the same way.
• Be aware of unhelpful thoughts & try to become more realistic in assessing the likely outcome that we tend to overestimate. Don't be unreasonably positive.
• When you are trying to solve problem, make sure you evaluate possible solutions in more balanced way- paying attention to what may go wrong and vice versa.
• Worry is a common problem- many of us will experience at some stage in our lives & works against happiness-yet it is a problem that can be overcome.
• The central method for a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes & strengthens positive ones - Dalai Lamaos
• Time is like river. You cannot touch the same water twice, bcos the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life!
• Life has no rewinds and forwards, it unfolds itself at its own pace. So never miss a chance to live today & make a beautiful story for tomorrow.
• Life ends when u stop dreaming, hope ends when u stop believing, love ends when u stop caring, so dream, hope & love. Life is beautiful.
• Rich people see opportunities. Poor people see obstacles. Rich people see potential growth. Poor people see potential loss. Rich people focus on the rewards. poor focus on the risks. (T. HarvEker, in his book, Secrets of Millionaire Mind)
• The mountains are not as high, the seas not as deep and the skies not as bright as a dream.
• Someday beyond our tears and all the words wrong there will be love, compassion, and justice and we shall all understand.

Now I can have mroe space in my phone. Enjoy!

My entertainment

Ever since I have my 'daughter', I always drive around towns hanging out with friends. I almost visited Penang state every week, esp on Friday (my day off) My sister's friend said I'm fit to be a sales representative since I like driving around and sometimes become nomad (Stay overnite outstation) . My friend, C wonder how I can go around driving alone from one place to another. My answer to her is, I have no driver ma... , C always have, according to her friend, DriverS.. to drive her whenever they go out hang out somewhere, whereas I'm here alone so I have to drive myself lo.


I stay in a place where there is no entertainment. Grocery shopping is excellent because we have Tesco, Giant and Econsave here, all with ample free parking. I do not have many friend here. Most, almost all of them are either working or already settle down in KL. That is the reason why I always travel to Penang, to meet my other group of college friends.


Today is a Friday that I don't travel. I wake up early in the morning to go marketing. Managed to 'catch' fish, chicken, prawn and vegetables. I prepare lunch and dinner for my family. Our lunch menu today is chicken with fungus & Szechuan vege + Stir fry vegetables + watercress soup. Went out to yam cha after lunch, and come back 4pm, chat with TG, online and prepare dinner. Dinner for the day is Fried egg with leek and carrot, Brocolli and soup.

It's a relax Friday. :)
Nit to go do ironing now...That's my weekend job..

Being single

I'm a single lady working in my hometown in Northern region of Malaysia. My life involved work, hanging out with friends and do everything alone.

I had some bad experience last week and I went to Penang to have my hair cut, shopping out of frustration, do manicure and pedicure. I had my breakfast and lunch alone. I do all this alone. Driving alone in the morning til the afternoon when I have to leave my car in penang and take Rapid Penang from Bukit Jambul (South side of Penang) to the ferry terminal to cross over to mainland, on a rainy day. It was so cold in the bus.

The hairdresser look at me one kind when he know that I come all the way alone from my hometown to Penang and go to his saloon alone and he jokingly say I must be in Penang to see my boyfriend. Maybe I'm too sensitive to think that his comment is quite sarcastic. I was under frustration and sadness when I do my hair cut. Being alone suddenly make me feel so lonely as if there's nothing I can depend on in life. That thinking keep bothering me. I guess there are 2 ways, positive and negative way to look at this. Think it positively, I can be independent in doing things I wanna do. The negative way would be I'm so lonely in life, helpless and life has little meaning. Whichever way that is, I don't feel good at it.

Reality sets in and I came to realise that we human need a soul mate. No matter how happy go lucky you are, you really need someone that you can trust and depend on when we are in need of somebody. Friends, even best friend might not be available when you need them. Family member will not be there always. I went through this horrible experience few weeks ago. HAiii...

A fren enlightened me that, Happiness is within us, you cannot get it outside. I'm sure this only apply when a person is at his/her normal mood. For a person who is depressed, they need antidote to their emotional breakdown.

What is interesting this year??

It's that time of the year again.

I will be celebrating my birthday next month :) I've decided on what item to buy as my bday present. The problem now is I have no clue what to do this year bday. I'm a very shy girl last time, I like to hide myself on my bday bcos i feel that I create trouble to people if they remember the date bcos they have to take the trouble to wish happy bday, get presents etc. I was like det until 2 years ago when I suddenly feel that bday shud be a day to be happy and celebrate, stay happy. So me and my friends ended up having steambost dinner after work and put a nite in Penang island, followed by karaoke session the next day.

Last year, we planned a trip to Cameron highland. On the way back from Cameron, we all go K again at Megamall Prai. I thought K was unplanned and the bday celebration was the trip to Cameron only. I feel the warm at heart when friends gave me a surprise cake in K room. It was a touching moments. =)

This year.... until now i hv no idea what to do.
Karaoke? no. Not sth new.
BBQ? no. Don't like to wait to eat and also dirty myself with charcoal on my bday.
Vacation? probably not. Reluctant to take leave.
Drink? no.
Dinner with friend? Maybe. Too bad my bday fall on weekday this year.

Nvm... tere's still time to think... I welcome you to give me some ideas yo!!

Feeling better

Hooohhhhh... after a stressful events, i finally feel relief and the burden cut into half. Meeting up with the right person do helps :)



I get spoilt easily especialy if i get enough attention from best buddy. When I realised all the effort I've done doesn't help at all to relief my stess, I guess the best option, once and for all, is to meet the best buddy who can influence our life.



I have a very very extremely unique friend in my life. Let's call this friend, T. (alomak this sounds like the Thelma letter that appear in TheStar)



We are close friend, best buddy, family, mentor etc, you name it. each of us can play multi role in our relationship. It is so unique and neither of us can define our relationship. I have the priviledge to meet T for lunch today & I request T to scold me... Just scold me to slap me to wake up,alternatively "gaduh" with me. T did and i feel better. it's like all brain cells hv been activated.



Now 1 thing very clear is I have a long overdue decision to make. The issue have been dragged for so long. I cannot make decision because I'm scared and alone. Aiks.... It's about my career, whether to be an ordinary employee or employee cum manager. It is easy to be an ordinary employee, but for employee cum manager, the risk is there and must be taken into consideration. I can't simply join any company to hold the 'cum manager' post. Single and alone girl like me really find this decision tough to take. Reality bites.

HHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'm happy I'm feeling better now, although not 100% recovered.

I am sick

I was all alone in my sad world for the past 3 days, torturing myself by starving myself, sometimes overeat, overspending and being moody.

There's a saying goes.... "We must love before we can be loved" I do agree with it and share it with friends but it doesn't work for me. I am always left alone especially in times of need.

I have headache today. It started from the afternoon until now and it doesn't wanna go away. I think all thanks to the stress I had for the past few days. I should treat myself good but you see, this is what I've done. I'm not a person who is always positive.

That's enough for today. The pain attack me again. I'm going home now and I shall sleep early today.

Bad mood

I noticed I only blog when I'm down.
I think I had enough, I think I should leave now. Yet, I don't know where to go. I can't find the place where me and my parents are comfortable with, hence I'm still where I am, I can't move because I don't kno what to do.

I am down. Yesterday I spent money to kill my sad and so down mood. Unfortunately this time it didn't work. I then meet up with few friends and we go for a drink, hoping I will get better after that, but still, I wake up this morning with the same down mood. Oh my! I remember I was like this about 2 weeks ago. Damn the frequency has increased! This is a bad news.

Not only that, work is also not smooth today. Few customers who are illogical and bad mood scolding people around. Aiyoyo.... We tend to have this kind of customers on Saturday, so my already bad mood become worse. I can't move my face muscle well. Didn't smile, reluctant to talk much to customers, luckily the business doesn't belong to me. Oops..

I feel the difference

We were strangers initially. Then we talk when necessary. One day when I was down, he saw me with miserable face and he said "You look miserable" I don't feel good listening that. One day I visited him because I feel bad for not congratulating his success, instead, criticised it. Then dono y, I feel I can talk to him.

I feel that some change is inevitable in my career. He is the candidate chosen to seek advice. Why? Because somehow I feel that he can be trusted and he can keep things to himself. He willingly give motivation when I'm down or when Im not happy with problems in life. Eventually we talk more often, until we reach a stage where, I sometimes have a mixed feeling and I acted strangely. I will be fine shortly after I behave so strange.

Today he did something he normally don't do. Now, some parts of the common thing we do is missing. Am I being too sensitive? I dono. I think it's actually good that things happen this way. The only sad fact is, i always have to face this kind of disappointment EVERYTIME. Why m i at the losing side EVERYTIME, time after time?? What are you trying to tell me and where are you leading me?

To tell the truth I'm actually fed up with this. When izit going to end? Can I stand strong to face it? I don't think I can. I cannot face same failure many times. I'm sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merdeka

While the Malaysian celebrate and count down for our nation 50th Merdeka Day on 30th August 2007, me and my family members spend 2D1N relax trip to Penang. We went after work and to my surprise, there was no jam at all. CS even warn me that Penang bridge is very jam and try to stop me from going to Penang. He's so bad.... Luckily I ignore him advice and go to Penang thinking I don't mind even though I will be caught in the jam.

Finally I can fulfill my wish to stay in Penang and go hiking in the morning. I wake up earlier the nex morning to hike Bukit Jambul hill. There are outdoor gym equipment at the top of the hill now. I really feel good after the hike. There will be more activity like this in the future :) It would be even better if I have a partner to go together, too bad my day-off is different from my friends. My father suggested to me to learn swimming. (I give up swimming 6 years ago when I find that I'm not really into water sports, I'd rather hold rackets)

We went to Kek Lok Si Temple on Merdeka day. Many foreign workers visitors there. Wonder where are all our Malaysian people?? We also had the famous Air Itam laksa next to the market. I still prefer the one near Burmah road, which I won't miss every time I visits Penang.

I joined C & CS for dinner in the evening. We had steamboat at Nagore road. http://www.goldenbbqpg.com/index.htm We actually spotted it by accident. Our initial plan for dinner was ribs but the shop is closed. The steamboat restaurant is a nice old heritage building. People who don't really enjoy steamboat love this place very much! Will definitely go again. yummy!

An unhappy incident happened after I got back to my place, when TG sms to go for supper, and then soon after I agree TG sms and say 2tired, come next time. Im annoyed by TG''s action I think he's testing on me. I end up watching astro til 2am, ignoring TG's sms until the next day morning while I was still on my bed sleeping soooo comfortably. We still meet though I got pissed off with the time delay and suggested we cancel our trip. I behave very weird which I can't stop doing it. It's time for me to readjust my feelings again. :(

China trip- GuangZhou

We spent 3 days in Guangzhou, visiting my aunt and her family, meet up with my boss, shop n dine. My aunt's aprtment is on 9th floor, WITHOUT lift. Everyone has to climb up the staircase to go home, which takes about 5 minutes. The outlook of their apartmetn may look old n dirty but the apartment itself is a nice one, quite big also. My aunt cook the lunch and we happily chat and have lunch together, this happens once in 25 years. It's a touching reunion, especially me finds that my aunt resembles my grandmother- the way she talk, behave, almost everything she do. That makes me miss my grandmother a lot.

Meeting with my boss is a new experience. We were so high in spirit to meet in a different country, especially this is the 1st time 3 of us on leave together to go on overseas trip. My boss introduce me to the placess they like to visit everytime they visit GZ, now I understand better why they always look forward to visit China. It's almost their 2nd home now.

I also manage to meet up with ES in GZ. It's good to see her happy and the smile from her is so genuine that I think I've not seen for years. Maybe it's good for her, and I wish me, she and tai lou all the best, live our life to the best and stay strong.

Shopping in GZ is not as enjoyable as I thought. Generally I find the prices are almost the same as in Malaysia. Other items like souvenir, gifts etc in the wholesale market that are widely available in Malaysia is so so so cheap in GZ. One can really spend one whole day in the market and enjoy shopping to the max.

Something good to mention is that the China people thinks that Malaysian are generally dark skin, the Chinese in Malaysia do not understand Mandarin. They thought we are illiterate in mandarin, as in, knot speak, write nor listen to mandarin. When they know that we actually do learn mandarin, they are surprised and impressed. Oh no!!!! I'm proud to be a Chinese. Our culture and theirs are almost the same. The people who guide the Malaysian chinese has done a really fantastic good job. I'm really proud of it.

2b continue....

Back in action--- 2007 Family trip- Zhuhai

Have been away from my own blog for quite some time. Not that I have nothing to blog about but i've been busy lately, sometimes too tired to blog, not forgetting a blog which i blog half way then all gone just like that. (next time must save draft) I've been active on the internet though, most of the time checking mail, reading newspaper, reading other ppl's blog etc.

Now where shall I start? Hmm... Let's start from my recent family trip.

I went to China with my family members early this month. It was a balik kampung cum shopping cum htroliday trip. Balik kampung because our main aim were to visit my 1st aunt in GuangZhou and 1st cousin in ZhuHai.

Since our flight reach Macau in the evening, we grab the chance to visit the famous Macau casino--Grand Lisboa. It was a love at 1st sight for me to discover Macau. Shops in town area are very well organised.



The shops are not big and not as grand as a shopping area but it gives a very comfy feeling :) The casino is very big and a multilevel building with different level of games. They provide free drinking water too. The dome behind me in the picture is the casino. The digital words on the dome is always changing in different pattern and words.







This casino area is separated by a river and the 2 bridge that allow the people to cross over it is spectacular especially at night when all the lights are on, making the whole area so happening.


We then put a night at a apartment-hotel in ZhuHai so that it's more convenient to visit my cousin who stays in ZhuHai as well.

It was raining in ZhuHai the next day morning. We are lucky that a relative of my cousin is kind enough to offer to drive us around ZhuHai. ZhuHai is very very near to Macau, at a place where it's as near as it's just separated by a small river. We had lunch at a pure Hakka restaurant operated by Hakka from the same Hakka village that my family were from. It's so tasty and touching is have taste the real Hakka food.

Clockwise from top left corner: Vege soup, chicken soup, pork meat, famous hakka yong tao hoo.

Challenged by TG

2 days ago ( 15 July 2007), exactly 1 month b4 TG's bday, he challenged that, he will never be a diabetic or hypertensive patient. He ask me to blog it, so i did.

I wonder how I get to know TG. TG is the 2nd squash player whom i play squash with. It was a nice game. TG made me laugh to the extend I couldn't concentrate driving. My experience so far is only cry/sad to the extend I couldn't drive. Silly.. maybe vision blocked by tears.

It's good to know TG, as claimed by him. Neither of us know how to define our friendship. We talk about anything. work, life, relationships, emotion, attitude, philosophy of life, everything. Another wonderful@strange thing is TG is multipurpose. A parent, biz partner, brother, life partner, guardian, squash partner, crazy close friend, the list go on.... So multi role that I sometimes mixed up the emotion and make illogical reaction, yet TG is patient enough to stay with me.

We hope the relationship will last very long,even forever, til the next life. I will hope TG is around anytime. Thanks for helping me to gain weight, to be happy most of the time, to make me laugh when I m down/angry. To be there for me. Appreciate that very much, I wish you have a good life!

The joy of talking

It's just another Monday when I start my day today. I woke up quite early because i start to seriously think about TG's comment about my laaaziness. I think I really have to do something on it. Reach office slightly early after breakfast at home, not many customer in the early morning though, until a very talkative customer came in, followed by Mr. Y. I talked to the customer, while handling another customer, finally the 2 customers sitting and start to chat. (Great because i dono wat else i can talk to the customer!!)

Talked to Mr. Y, then Mr C(W) came,-- talk, later he call,-- talk, go to lunch w Y, --talk, so many ppl came to SP today. Even E(Xal) is around too, but we didn't meet up. Came back from lunch, B(Dy) came, --talk again. Then TG complaint when i finally has the chance to talk to him. hahah!! The real talking session starts after work. Chat w C from 6.30pm- 7.45pm, about Kri's and GM's wedding, relationship. Took dinner after that, called BK n chat frm 9.20pm-10pm, we talked about work, life, being employed or self-employed, what v want in life. Immediately after that, I talked to TG for an hour. I wonder how I can talk to TG like det today. Something wrong with me maybe short circuit or sth?? In a good mood because I meet many people and am very occupied today?? I guess so. That's me----> knot stay idle...Always find things to do esp when Im in the shop.
I enjoy the talking today :) I wish I will be in good mood everyday, eliminate my laaaaaziness 1 day. Hehe....

Letting go of things that I should let go

Sometimes, (Most of the time) I have problem in turning words into action. I will soak myself in depression instead of setting a SOP to solve problem, especially when it's about a relationship.

People used to say that the number of years you use to love someone=the number of years you nit to take in order to forget the same person. If that is true, I probably have another 3 years to suffer. (Oh no!!)

I thought I am fine and I will be okay. Unfortunately feelings and reality do not allow me to let go of things I should let go. You may say it all depends on myself, whether I want to make it, or not. My answer is--- 1. it's very easy to say than done. 2. How to make it???

I find it hard to throw the things with memory. I can put them in a big box and put it aside at a place I could hardly see. I find it hard to settle without the big plush memorable dog, waking up thinking of the sad thing that shouldn't be bothering me by now. Maybe I should shop for another replacement.

Wish him success in achieving his aim in life, and live happily with new family.

Confused

They say quarrelling/arguing between 2 person is good because that's the way to understand some1. I think that is quite true. I had an argument w a fren over a small issue last night and I bring the issue to bed. I wake up this morning, let go of any pride/ego and go straight to check mail. Tears rolling in the eyes after reading the mail.

I know TG didn't mean to provoke/hurt me; neither he is trying to remind me of my previous bad experience in trusting people. It's me being unfair to link a general statement to everybody. Thanks to him for still talking to me though... This is what make him different from the other 'general' people.

1 thing 4sure, it's tiring to get involved in an argument. I was in bad mood for the whole day to a stage at climax when I just sit in my daughter with my yellow doggy box. Good mood comes back after argument is cleared. Lesson learned: 1--> Don't assume anybody else will treat you the way other people treated you. Every individual is different. Do invest trust in some people before you regret.
2--> Do I trust them no more ??

Now, after 3 months of pampering, I nit to find ways to readjust myself, probably wipe my protective shield and go back to my usual lifestyle. Padan muka??!!

The Power of Words

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

I totally agree on the statement above. This is what I've got in my mobile Inbox. Those words make me feel very touching. Thanks buddy!

'Whenever u feel like tel out someth i am always here 4 u.I wan u 2 b happy always'
by TG, I think he remember everything I said about CP ;)

'Good mor hav a cheerful day / Good mor u hv a nice day / Had ur lunch @ tea?'
by TG, simple and nice :)

'What happened? Don b sad, u know i will always side u wan so cheer up :)'
by C, my pillar of support whenever Im in deep sorrow, immediate response to stress call.

'Hello ms thai, wish u happy birthday oh!Wish u all ur dreams come true.. Everything going smoothly.. Stay young, pretty & healthy forever. Pls dont 4get me. :)'
by E X, I still keep this msg...

I wish the friendship with friends who make my day last forever...
Being single doesn't mean you're not being loved. Instead, you share your love with more people. So called... 'public love' in mandarin. hehe...

I always have this feling that I'm left all alone in hometown working, with minimal entertainment and interaction with people. Friends who work in KL do not understand why have I not choose to join them in KL. According to them, KL is the place for young people, you will enjoy your life, you have better opportunity in career, you will be well trained in all aspects, Last but not least, you would have had a boy friend and already on a serious and steady relationship by now.

In my opinion, I chose to work in hometown because my parents like their children to stay near them. I can have the opportunity to treat them well.

• I have a good job in my hometown, I have the opportunity to be in a higher position in my field.
• I like Penang. (Good food, near, no traffic jam, no long queue)
• I don't like to waste time. (Spend time in traffic jam b4 and after work, Queue to park in shopping complexes and also getting in/out from office car park, Wake up early during weekends to get things done and just to avoid the weekend jam)
• I take shorter time to save money, to get my daughter especially.
• I contribute to the local community where I grew up. (So wai tai??? hehe...)
• SP is a fast growing town. Crime rate still not as high as KL.

But, but, some cruel true facts about working in hometown,

• No entertainment. GSC in SP but the show is always older, new movies always come later. No karaoke. SO, how to pass time???
• Lack of friend. I know there are some not so close high school friend around. Only bumped into them on the street, never keep in touch :( SO, how to socialise???
• Provide service to the local community, many of them are old folks, middle aged parents and young parents. SO, how to meet Mr.Right???
• Work in a M company. SO, how to meet people???

Fortunately I still have business friend to speak mandarin to. Else, I wonder what will happen to me. Haha....

Many people start to worry about me and m concerned when can I have a boy friend. Many people do not believe that I m single and available. [ So bad :( ] Thanks for all your concern. My answer is still I dono. For what I know, instead of loving one person very much, Im being 'loved' by my friends around. you know, 'public love'... it's not a bad idea afterall, rite ;) Don't worry... fate will make us meet =)

Thank you my fren, for making my day.

det poisonous curse

I experienced a poisonous curse attack last night. The last one I had was in Dec 2006. This time when it happened I feel like I'm inside a woofer, where all the curses come towards me repeatedly in d frequency det's enough to kill me slowly.

According to those poisonous curse, Im useless. I kacang lupa kulit, arrogant, show no respect, etc. Those r the main points det i can remember. All these being replayed repeatedly in my mind. no mood at work tdy. But can still handle things.

Thank God My heart can still afford to all these and No Propranolol, my best fren when under intense horror is needed.

I think.... think it's wise to stay away. Maintain the current nature but at a diff environment. What may happen is possibly World ar like dis again n again, which I don think i can handle them.

That way, at least I don owe u so much. M i rite?

Which to choose?? Work or Play?

I'm in dilemma again! I plan my Spore trip since last year. Just 1 month + b4 I can realise my plan, J told me about this year gathering falling on the same day s my trip... What should I do? Shall I go Spore or stay in Penang? aiks.... hard to choose.... Spore sale is on! This work gathering is not sth 2 missed!! Which is more important? Work or play? If i choose work, I will stay in Penang following the programme J& Co arranged 4us, meeting old mates whom I only meet once a year n that will help in my career. If i choose play, then i will miss the chance to talk to all those old mate who have many years experience. I will miss Spore sale that only happen once a year. How how??

Think rationally , think i should choose work this time hor...... hmmm...... aiks.....
Why m i given only 1 choice?? :(

The Story of Butterfly

Some1 enlightened me with this story of butterfly which tells that in life there are challenges out there to make us stronger. It says,

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Never been able to fly.

A day ago, another friend of mine sent a presentation of the story of a professor telling students about holding a glass of water over a period of time. It says,

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

So this is what I get after spending a long period of time soaking myself in my own space that is full of problems, uncertainties in life, dilemmas, frustration, anger, everything with no channel for me to vent out everything that I want to say. I lost my sense of direction!!!

I somehow ended up being at the climax of all frust last Friday. Dono why it happened. Dono why it happened at this time. I reach home within 20minutes from Seberang Jaya, which usually takes at least 30minutes for me, without realising that until my friend told me the next day. What happened to me? I'm too stressed out!!! So sorry to my daughter. I turn the volume in the car very high, n drive very fast ( I drive at only 100km/h!! unless if I'm not aware but i don't think i drive faster than that unless im overtaking) Din feel any better after I reach home. Things become worse the following day. Can't even smile. I think I look terrible.

What is my problem? I think, this happened because One problem haven't been solved and another problem comes. Problems pile up until I dono which is the causative problem that troubled me. I don even know where to start, so that I can return to normal.

A friend of mine whom I think was straight forward when he talk to me the other day said "What happened to you? I know you are not happy. I know. You look miserable" What a reminder! I didn't know that i gave such an impression to people. Well, pointless to argue over it since I really am not happy n miserable. Thanks to him for waking me up from running away from the reality.

When I was small, exam period is my problem. I start to envy those working adult. PMR and SPM were once my major problem. Studying for my degree is another big problem. Today, my problem is a REAL problem and all the previous problem that I had is not a problem. They are all so tiny little things. I realised that as we grow up, we are wellcomed by all sorts of problems of higher standard. Problems that we have are becomign harder to solve, making life miserable if one kenot handle it properly, like me, now.

I know I must not let myself rot just like that. I know but, I dono how..... My God! If only I know...... I dono how/where/who to tell. I dono where to start. Oh no Im so direction-less! Some1 tell me what to do?

Professional image

I remember back in uni life, our professor stress hard on the professional image that we should have. So, back then, new rule requires everyone to wear formal attire to lecture, and also to hang a long name card on us, we used to call it dog tag. I think this is a good start. Well, people always say, it's good to start from young isn't it?

Today, sitting at the designated table in the office, with the red colour license hanging at the wall, BNF, MIMS, order book, product chart etc on the shelf behind my table, that special calendar and planner courtesy of drug company on my table, do I give a professional image professional enough? Don't worry about formal attire, my eyes always see formal attire only. * That's why I stand half an hour in front of my wardrobe and still see no clothes to wear if I were to go out with friends*

How do I know how people think about my professional image? Let's see what people ask.....

They ask my boss/staff,

Who is she?
What she doing here?
She the boss ar? ohhh..... pharmacist.... I want to ask you hor....... bla bla bla....

They ask me,

You work here how long already? I thought you just graduated only. *baby face????!!! innocent look????*
You from SP?
You the pharmacist ar?
You the chemist?
You from where? USM ar? then they start to assume Im budak USM and start to talk about USM students... Who's who also in USM, this person, that person also USM one.. Urgghh....
You Chinese? *I strongly dislike this question!!!!!!!*

I don't really like people to examine my background, especially those who ask with intention. Why care where Im from, Where I stay? Chinese or Malay? I dislike those who walk in staring at me and continue staring for at least 1 minute b4 they open their mouth to ask for things they want. I feel very uncomfortable with that. Wanna dig their eyes out liao. Heee...