The Story of Butterfly

Some1 enlightened me with this story of butterfly which tells that in life there are challenges out there to make us stronger. It says,

Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.
If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. Never been able to fly.

A day ago, another friend of mine sent a presentation of the story of a professor telling students about holding a glass of water over a period of time. It says,

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

So this is what I get after spending a long period of time soaking myself in my own space that is full of problems, uncertainties in life, dilemmas, frustration, anger, everything with no channel for me to vent out everything that I want to say. I lost my sense of direction!!!

I somehow ended up being at the climax of all frust last Friday. Dono why it happened. Dono why it happened at this time. I reach home within 20minutes from Seberang Jaya, which usually takes at least 30minutes for me, without realising that until my friend told me the next day. What happened to me? I'm too stressed out!!! So sorry to my daughter. I turn the volume in the car very high, n drive very fast ( I drive at only 100km/h!! unless if I'm not aware but i don't think i drive faster than that unless im overtaking) Din feel any better after I reach home. Things become worse the following day. Can't even smile. I think I look terrible.

What is my problem? I think, this happened because One problem haven't been solved and another problem comes. Problems pile up until I dono which is the causative problem that troubled me. I don even know where to start, so that I can return to normal.

A friend of mine whom I think was straight forward when he talk to me the other day said "What happened to you? I know you are not happy. I know. You look miserable" What a reminder! I didn't know that i gave such an impression to people. Well, pointless to argue over it since I really am not happy n miserable. Thanks to him for waking me up from running away from the reality.

When I was small, exam period is my problem. I start to envy those working adult. PMR and SPM were once my major problem. Studying for my degree is another big problem. Today, my problem is a REAL problem and all the previous problem that I had is not a problem. They are all so tiny little things. I realised that as we grow up, we are wellcomed by all sorts of problems of higher standard. Problems that we have are becomign harder to solve, making life miserable if one kenot handle it properly, like me, now.

I know I must not let myself rot just like that. I know but, I dono how..... My God! If only I know...... I dono how/where/who to tell. I dono where to start. Oh no Im so direction-less! Some1 tell me what to do?

Professional image

I remember back in uni life, our professor stress hard on the professional image that we should have. So, back then, new rule requires everyone to wear formal attire to lecture, and also to hang a long name card on us, we used to call it dog tag. I think this is a good start. Well, people always say, it's good to start from young isn't it?

Today, sitting at the designated table in the office, with the red colour license hanging at the wall, BNF, MIMS, order book, product chart etc on the shelf behind my table, that special calendar and planner courtesy of drug company on my table, do I give a professional image professional enough? Don't worry about formal attire, my eyes always see formal attire only. * That's why I stand half an hour in front of my wardrobe and still see no clothes to wear if I were to go out with friends*

How do I know how people think about my professional image? Let's see what people ask.....

They ask my boss/staff,

Who is she?
What she doing here?
She the boss ar? ohhh..... pharmacist.... I want to ask you hor....... bla bla bla....

They ask me,

You work here how long already? I thought you just graduated only. *baby face????!!! innocent look????*
You from SP?
You the pharmacist ar?
You the chemist?
You from where? USM ar? then they start to assume Im budak USM and start to talk about USM students... Who's who also in USM, this person, that person also USM one.. Urgghh....
You Chinese? *I strongly dislike this question!!!!!!!*

I don't really like people to examine my background, especially those who ask with intention. Why care where Im from, Where I stay? Chinese or Malay? I dislike those who walk in staring at me and continue staring for at least 1 minute b4 they open their mouth to ask for things they want. I feel very uncomfortable with that. Wanna dig their eyes out liao. Heee...